I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
