We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
