one word: firstdatebathroomanal
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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