she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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