I'm pants shitting drunk right now
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
