Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
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