When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Randomize
