Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
You're my little dorito
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
