New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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