Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
