SEEEEXXX PLEASE
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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