spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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