I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
