apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
