I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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