capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
