I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
He passed out mid-signature
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
i think i just lost a toe
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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