It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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