Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
