at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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