I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
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I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
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apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
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