your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
