i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
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