My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
