You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
