my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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