so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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