So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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