OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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