dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
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