u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
