So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
