i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
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