One girl and one boy is just not enough.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
