Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
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