Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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