Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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