His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
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I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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