fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
