Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
They are going to name an STD after you.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
