whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
