Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize