I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I am one with the molecules
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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