I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
