your room smells of hookers.
And success
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
