these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
