so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
