New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
