accomplished twins. life is a go
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
