I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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