my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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