my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
this just has baby written all over it
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Randomize
