Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
