If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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