If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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