Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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