I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Barsexuality is the new black.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
