I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
