so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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