my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
