4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
