the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
