i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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