You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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