Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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