If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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