the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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