Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Randomize
