Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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