it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
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So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
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You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.