i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs