I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me