Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
