my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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