remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
