I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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