I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Randomize
