the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
