Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
And then he peed in my hair
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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