Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
