apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
