dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
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